A bad apology is like a second insult!

Recently, our 8-year-old son was training for a performance test. He needed to juggle a ball at least 30 times. After more than an hour, he had reached 25, then 26, when his 5-year-old sister came running around the corner and ran straight into him—forcing him to stop his attempt at 27 touches.

The little sister simply kept running. From a distance, she shouted a quick “Sorry.” Our son Laurin was left behind, angry—because that fleeting “sorry” was merely an automatic reaction, with no real intention of repairing the situation or understanding the other person’s feelings.

A genuine and healing apology is difficult for children—but adults are often no better. Friendships, marriages, and organizations break down because of missing or inadequate apologies.

Why is it so hard for us to admit that we’ve made a mistake, gone too far, or misjudged a situation?

A genuine and healing apology is difficult for children—but adults are often no better. Friendships, marriages, and organizations break down because of missing apologies. We sense that something has gone wrong—that we’ve behaved incorrectly—but still struggle to apologize. Yet studies show that sincere apologies are highly effective. They cost little and give the person apologizing the opportunity to express emotions and repair the relationship.

Those who master the art of apologizing tend to have longer-lasting friendships, happier relationships, and healthier working relationships.

But how do you apologize properly? The 4 R’s for Good Apologies provide guidance (cf. Adam Grant, 2025):

• Regret: You express remorse. “I am truly sorry for what my behavior caused.”
• Rationale: You explain why it happened. “I was late because I misjudged the traffic” (internal attribution).
  Wrong would be: “The constant traffic jam in the morning held me up” (external attribution).
• Responsibility: A clear acknowledgment of personal responsibility. Research shows that CEOs who take personal responsibility for negative events are perceived more positively—and their companies’ stock prices tend to rise in the following year. This is not only because they show they care; taking responsibility also signals that they are in control.
• Repair: Take actions to rebuild trust. For example, if something was forgotten in a food order, don’t just issue a refund—also deliver the missing item. After all, a refund doesn’t satisfy hunger.

We often feel that apologizing makes us look small or costs us our authority. The truth is the opposite: it makes us more composed and credible—because we take ownership of our mistakes and correct them.

Apologizing does not mean labeling yourself as a bad person—it means showing that you want to become a better one, and that the other person matters to you.

This post was published by Wolfgang Jenewein on LinkedIn on August 22, 2025. Zum Original-Beitrag